Who Determines Your Worth?

Exploring the Foundation of Self Esteem & Authenticity

With inputs from Chandana Ganguly, a transpersonal psychologist, clinical hypnotherapist and energy healer.

As children, a significant part of our feeling of security was derived from being perceived as "good." Whether it was seeking the approval of our parents, teachers, or the support of our peers, we were ingrained with the belief that our sense of self comes from external sources—people, authorities, and institutions—whose judgment determines our worthiness. We were led to believe that by meeting the criteria of being "good enough," we would attain safety, security, and eventually be rewarded.

These beliefs program your mind to always try and prove yourself.

How do people form this faulty mindset?

Self-esteem is something that begins as a safety coping mechanism. Over the years, if your sense of self continues to come from the outside, it leads to challenges like people pleasing behaviours, low confidence, anxiety, poor boundaries, and co-dependency. Once the notion of being ‘good’ has been set, that benchmark must be achieved in the two primary and most critical parts of a human being – the body & mind.

Regardless of how the world responds, self-esteem is an internal state that helps us feel good about ourselves. It's a voice within that says, ‘you are deserving and worthy of good things.’ Swami Niranjanananda of Bihar School of Yoga says that it is incredibly difficult to develop a healthy relationship with a spiritual master for the one who has a low self-esteem.

A person who harbours feelings of low self-worth often finds it difficult to be consistent on a healing path, they pick a task with much enthusiasm and soon drop it midway, since the feeling of being ‘undeserving’ to any good creeps back in soon enough.

These false beliefs and biases won't be challenged unless you can take a step back and observe your own mental processes, the output of your unconscious mind, and the nature of your connections with others in this environment.

Swami Satyananda, the founder of Bihar School of Yoga, says that a child's adult life is determined by the sort of knowledge, input, and conditioning they get from their parents throughout pregnancy and the first seven years of life. It is that area one must reach and heal, and most are not often consciously in contact with it.

Does this mean having high self-esteem is a bad thing?

Absolutely not. Building high self-esteem is essential to forming your sense of identity, which becomes an anchor in what seems like a chaotic, ever-changing world.

Positive self-esteem enables you to connect with your true self and remain grounded across various situations. However, the challenge arises when self-esteem becomes excessively reliant on external validation, hinging on the opinions of others and circumstances beyond your control. This dependence can lead to a perceived loss of control and self-worth whenever external factors fail to validate or support you. What initially served as a childhood tool for socialization must evolve into an adult mindset centred around internal sources of reassurance and self-acceptance.

In essence, by reclaiming control of your own life, you can foster a sense of grounding, authenticity, and inner peace.

How do you take back control of your self-image?

By critically assessing who you aspire to be and the path you wish to pursue, you lay the foundation for self-validation. This means cultivating an internal, personal, and authentic understanding of your own identity. Through this process, you uncover your innate strengths, passions, and values, allowing them to guide your actions and shape your life. By embracing your individuality and making choices aligned with your true self, you unlock the untapped potential within, and align your actions and aspirations with your innermost essence.

Rearranging- a simple exercise to start taking back control:

Write down what you know to be true about yourself - whatever you’ve experienced about yourself that cannot be taken away from you. This could be “I know I’m an honest person, I am compassionate.” Focus on the positive attributes of yourself that you know for sure.

When you write this list down, anytime you begin to feel ungrounded or shaky, read this list over - and use it as a template for showing up in life. Let it remind you that all you need to be is the best version of yourself - not anyone else. That is extremely satisfying and simple when our minds tend to complicate life.

Another further development to this also comes when we begin to look at some of those parts of ourselves that are not pleasant or convenient, the parts that we are ashamed or embarrassed of - our shadows. Accepting and recognising that every part of us- inclusive of the good and not so good- was formed as a coping strategy or as a result of an experience allows us to develop compassion for the self, and a deeper acceptance of who we are. This is the most fundamental foundation for positive self esteem.

Yoga and self esteem:

Two of the most effective yogic practices to develop a high self-esteem are Antar Mauna and Yog Nidra.

Emptying and exhausting the conscious mind during Antar Mauna naturally helps us stumble upon the subconscious space, a regular practice will help raise those suppressed memories or moments from our childhood when we were forming an incorrect idea of ourselves. The practice will bring clarity to the simple exercise of rearranging.

Yog Nidra is feeding affirmations or in other words – thoughts or words we wish to become. This process of reprogramming the subconscious during a state of deep relaxation brings about a quick change in our attitude, we begin to take actions that help us improve our self-image, be it exercising, eating right or surrounding ourselves with happy & energetic people. Remember to infuse those words with emotions and feel an exhilarating need to see those words take form and flesh.

The greatest freedom and boost to self-esteem comes from being able to accept who we are without feeling the need to be who others want us to be.

You may also be interested in:
Online wellbeing services with Ananda’s experts.
Learn more about Emotional Healing.
Explore our Dhyana Meditation programme.

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